• When buying a pooter, you tell them they can keep their Micros~1 Winhoze
• Mailing list management is easy:

  	echo "subscribe maillist" | mail majordomo@foo.com
  	echo "unsubscribe maillist" | mail majordomo@foo.com

• You use the mail program for interactive mail
• You use foo and bar every day
• You read gcc(1) command lines out loud
• You can pronounce the following:

  	gcc -O2 -DBROKEN_FGETS -DSYSV -DDAMN_OPENWIN -c -o fgets.o fgets.c

• You wish there WERE a DAMN_OPENWIN #define
• You force CAPS to be an additional CTRL in X
• You've disabled CAPS permanently
• ... by cutting the traces to the key
• ... and gluing the switch down
• ... even though you don't use X
• ... because you don't use X
• You use -DDIRENT_ILLEGAL_ACCESS regularly
• ... on purpose
• ... and know what it does
• You have _Santa Claus is coming to town_ as UNIX commands posted in your cube
• You dream in bash or use for i in $HOURS; do sleep 3600; done
• You use vi
• ... even though there're other, single-mode, editors available
• ... and you think that EMACS stands for Eventually malloc()'s All Computer Storage
• ... you use ex
• ... ... ed
• ... ... red
• ... ... te
• You never talk about a function without including the () (like dgets())
• You underline text like _this_ instead of using underlining facilities
• You have written a mailer in bash because they don't have elm or mutt
• You use globbing, regexps or programming on a chat (like irc):

  	/me hugs {leia,tapey}
  	for i in *; do /me hugs $i; done
  	s/plucjy/plucky/

• You utilize EMACS to its fullest potential by feeding lines of IRC to its M-x doctor mode
• When you're bored, you cat random files to /dev/audio to see what they sound like
• You're asked to find a pencil, and immediately think:

  	find / -name 'pencil' -print | less

• Your mailer is elm
• ... a shell script you wrote, because they don't have elm
• ... cat $MAIL is your mail reader, and cat > is how you send mail
• To send short notes, you use sendmail -bs
• ... to hell with sendmail -bs, you use telnet target 25 and type the commands and headers in
• Your idea of package management involves only cp and rm
• You use m4 to write config files
• ... term papers
• ... email
• ... ... and also gcc -E that
• ... your resume
• ... you find dnl somehow amusing
• You know about sendmail.cf
• ... and modify it
• ... add your own rewrite rules
• ... without using m4, but by hand
• ... ... from memory
• ... and greet folks with defocus
• The following is either a .sig or header stuffing:

  X-Brain: "Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"
X-Pinky: "Um... I thinkso, Brain, but if it were Eight Megs And Constantly Swapping, wouldn't you want more RAM?

gcc -shared -o libspottie.so.4 -Wl,-soname,spottie spot.o harf.o naf.o \
spotspeak.o grape.o bmuh.o flipspot.o corn.o eureka.o damnsoup.o bitespot.o \
aie.o dtyallp.o qascork.o
ln -s libspottie.so libspottie.so.4
gcc -o spot stuff.o rl.o pleugh.o spot_main.o ducttape.o -L. -lspottie -lm -lz